Telly Talk

Soapsuds

Corrie
By ‘eck – that fire’s done Valandro’s the world of good, hasn’t it?

Prior to chipmunk-cheeked Paul’s arson attack, Weatherfield’s Number One Italian Restaurant (well, can you name any others?) was a dingy little boot-cupboard down a flight of stairs with a few tatty tables and a bit of Santa Lucia piping querulously in the background.

But now it seems to have acquired a glorious grand entrance that we definitely don’t remember. Talk about a phoenix from the flames.

Added to which, Janice’s boyfriend Rog-the-plumber turns out to have project-managed an “award-winning” bar in France. What are the odds?

Even better, Bionic-Eyed Tony’s new Victoria Street flats should mean there’s a host of young trendies flooding into the Street, all queuing up to be “Urr Layanne’s” paying customers (and not in the Paul Connor sense, either).

You can bet that even though Manchester is one of the most happening night-time destinations in Europe, Corrie’s young’uns won’t be bombing around the bars off Deansgate or launching themselves hedonistically into the 24 Hour Party People scene.

No, they’ll be down at Leanne Battersby’s place, supping a Cheeky Vimto with a brolly in the top and watching Steve McDonald attempt to moonwalk or Dev doing “raise the roof” hands.Given this backdrop, you can see why David Platt was so keen to get sent down.

Except, now he’s locked up, he doesn’t like it. Talk about contrary.The little fella had tears in his eyes this week as he watched Gail limp back into the great outdoors – we almost felt sorry for him.Then we remembered all those times we’ve stood frothy-mouthed with rage before our tellies screaming: “String ‘im up, the little toerag!” and we stopped.

Away from prison, Gail and Audrey were having all sorts of big emotional “Ooh mam,” “Ooh lovey” type conversations this week.

What with them and Dev (who now seems to be making strange noises specifically SO he can get on the Harry Hill show), Corrie is developing a rather strange backing track. Perhaps they could set it to tape and give it an airing at Valandro’s?

Next week, Maria’s life falls apart.

Altogether now: “Ooh, lovey...”