Frank talk... Soapsuds look back at the twinkle-eyed charmer

Soapsuds

Eastenders: We knew it would be the bow tie in the box, didn’t you?
Soon as Rickaaaaaay mentioned poor old Frank had left Pat a little something "for her eyes only" it was the first thing we thought of.
And let’s face it, the charming gift was a great excuse to show Frank’s finest moment in sepia toned flashback. Fair brought a tear to our eye.
The great man’s funeral was indeed a highly predictable affair.
Peggy slapped Pat and told her: "Gedd-ahht-a-my pub!"
The marvellous Janine turned up in full Black Widow gear sporting a great hat and a fabulously expensive sports car.
Bian’aaaar, though not present at the service, duly appeared wearing a hideous silver puff jacket and brandishing a rubber brick (surrounded by 20 or 30 kids).
And Diane was, well, as boring as ever. Even if she is now married to a woman.
Still, wasn’t it great?
And those flashbacks of the wedding with fleeting glimpses of Arthur Fowler and a teenage Shazza.
It’s a pity we can’t have a funeral like this every week. Certainly makes the show funnier than it normally is.

Coronation Street: David Platt’s Marmite-tinted reign of terror continued on Corrie this week, much to our delight.
We reckon he’s going to bump Gail off soon. Then you’ll occasionally see somebody peering through the curtains with a hamster hair-do and a BHS dressing gown. And when visitors call around to check on "mamma" she’ll always, mysteriously, "be upstairs". And one day, a strange woman will knock on the door and ask if she can take a shower... sorry, we’re thinking of another script entirely.
Then there was "urr Lay-anne" and the mysterious loyalty she commands from men who’ve only known her a fortnight. We reckon gerbil-faced Paul is probably going down for arson but at least he might be able to give us an update on other Weatherfield residents languishing in jail who have never been seen since (Angela Harris, Tracy Barlow...)
Speaking of the Barlows, why was Deirdre so dolled up this week when, it turned out, she was only going across the road to Audrey’s? As for going back inside to change because her hair got splashed from the builders’ traffic... well, it was going to get wet anyway, wasn’t it?
She seemed more upset about her soaking than about her granddaughter’s brush with death. Although, as she herself said, "Amy seemed the least affected of all of us," after the mite almost got knocked flat. In light of the fact Amy is seemingly played by a child-sized wax dolly, it’s hardly surprising really.
Finally, remember, your Roy Cropper Fact Of The Week: There are 100 xu in a dong...