Thursday, 9 April 2009

A tough team exercise

Three weeks into this series, it’s becoming increasingly clear that the quiet ones had better be worried.
Last week, a menacing Nick warned background lurker Noorul he had been “watching him for a long time.”
This week, laid back Maj got the boot for not doing anything at all really in last night’s fitness task. Quite right, really.
The moral of the story is, be loud and proud - even if your loudness and proudness results in the invention of the gloriously awful Multi Tone home gym.
That’s what Team Empire came up with when S’ralan asked his wannabe apprentices to design portable home fitness equipment for this week’s task.
Brash Ben (he’s the good looking one, arf) thought his ugly black box with a step and some wires inside it was the best thing since sliced bread.
“I shocked myself I’ve invented such a bloody good product,” he commented.
Mind you it was better than the “sex exercise” idea he originally kept going on about.
What was he thinking?
“We need some sort of spring loaded....” Ben began, as he gestured vaguely towards his nether regions.
Thank goodness he never got to finish the sentence.
At first, Empire seemed to be heading along the right lines with talk of a product to deal with every woman’s worst nightmare - bingo wings.
“Keep it simple!” hapless team leader James had warned Ben and the other half of his team as they got together with the designers to bring their idea to life.
Quite how the snappy sounding bingo buster ended up as something which looked like a cross between a miniature electric chair and an amplifier is anyone’s guess.
And quite why John Lewis ordered 500 is another worry.
The catastrophic contraption couldn’t hold a candle to rival Team Ignite’s genuinely great looking Body Rocka.
Although their success (an order for 10,000 - again from John Lewis) was no thanks to Dragon Lady Debra, their ghastly leader.
Couldn’t you slap her?
Thank goodness for hip swiveling Philip who came up with the product and delightfully disheveled Lorraine, who made some pretty awful pitches - but nothing nearly as bad as we’ve previously seen on this show.