Wednesday, 22 April 2009



SO whatever happened to Hayley’s plans to be a social worker? Presumably they’ve gone the same way as Janice Battersby’s grand scheme to be a nurse.
For now, it seems Hayley’s only job is working alongside her other half in Roy’s Rolls. So why do they need Tweety Pie Windass to help them behind the counter?
We suppose the scriptwriters are thinking that because we all fell in love with Becky dishing up the bacon butties, we’ll therefore clasp the entire Windass family to our bosoms now Anna’s got her job. But if she continues communicating in helium-speak, it’s definitely not going to happen.
Elsewhere, poor old Ken found himself caught between chive-sprinkling Stephanie Beecham and ash-sprinkling Deirdre. When he discovered love of his life Martha had swanned off down the river, things got a bit desperate.
"Martha – where are you moooooored?!" he wailed, in the same manner Fred Flintstone used to summon Wilma to the door.
And Corrie’s writers seem to be over-using Simon’s acting abilities. In that he’s getting at least half the lines in the show now. We know it must be exciting to find a child-actor who can actually act (following years of Mute Amy) but give someone else a chance, can’t you?

At least Corrie isn’t as bad as Eastenders, where it seems half the cast are under three feet tall at the moment (and we don’t mean in a Wizard of Oz kind of way).
You get an odd glimpse of the occasional grown-up (Phil, Dot, Roxy), then the rest of the air-time is devoted to under-12 Easter Egg hunts and karaoke competitions.
This Easter, they also decided to treat us to a resurrection of the never-ending plotline that involves Abi trying to set up her mum and dad because they’re "made 4 each other". Somebody give that child some hobbies.
Even Nick Cotton’s getting Pippi Longstocking to his dirty work. And how dirty that work can be with a nine-year-old in charge? We suspect not very.
Phil Mitchell seemed as baffled as we were by this week of Kindergarten Cockneys.
"Why are you here?" he grunted at Ben.
"It’s the school holidays."
"Where’s Roxy?"
"Out for the day."
"So who’s running this place?" asked Phil, waving his hand at the Vic.
Presumably a nine-year-old.