Thursday, 2 April 2009

Rocky's knocked out..

Oonagh Robinson on Week Two of The Apprentice...

Poor little Rocky fell for the oldest trick in The Apprentice book during last night’s deliciously humiliating catering task.
Never, never, NEVER put yourself forward as team leader when the challenge is in any way related to the field in which you work.
You will ALWAYS get fired.
Sweet 21-year-old Rocky, who runs a chain of ten sandwich shops oop north, bravely volunteered to take control of the boys when they were asked to provide lunch and evening meals for high flying city bankers.
Hmm, so what food should they serve?
“The obvious thing is sandwiches,” Rocky suggested. Eureka!
But before he could say “BLT”, the other lads had randomly concocted a hideous Olympic 2012 theme for their lunch do. With different butties representing each Continent - including chicken tikka for Asia and peanut butter for the USA. Nice.
And things got worse for the evening event, when the theme shifted to Ancient Greece - with the boys all decked out in togas to serve cheddar and pickle on a stick to some of Chicago’s greatest business brains.
“I look like I’ve just escaped from a mental asylum,” observed a mortified looking Maj.
Unsurprisingly, the clients were not impressed - holding back a good chunk of the agreed price so that the lads made an unforgivable £161 loss.
If only they’d managed to secure that ludicrous £60-a-head deal moany Philip had originally pitched for.
Over on the girls’ team, no nonsense Yasmina was having an equally bad time on the food front - despite allegedly being a "restaurateur."
And no, I don't think I'll be booking a table at her gaff any time soon either.
She sent clueless Kate in to pitch for the evening event in one of the most cringeworthy presentations in the entire history of commerce.
Hot food, cold food, bruschettas, blinis - it all seemed like another language to poor Kate.
Observer Margaret Mountford spoke for us all when she clutched her head in her hands in sheer desperation.
Nevertheless, despite serving plates and plates of hideous looking food - mostly chunky tomatoes and 74 tins of cheap tuna - the girls made a stunning £650 profit and duly went off to learn polo as their treat.
Poor, poor loser Rocky, meanwhile, had to decide who to take with him into the fearsome boardroom.
James - the one who says he wakes up in the morning and can taste success in his spit - was alarmed that he might be up for the chop.
“I feel like I did when my cat died,” he wailed.
Rocky also brought gawmless Howard in with him - on the basis that having run pubs successfully for several years, he should have known a teeny bit more about catering.
But in the end S’ralan took the easy option and got rid of our young novice. What a shame.
Still, the other chaps shouldn’t be resting on their laurels - especially after Nick Hewer’s chilling warning to Noorul for no particular reason I can fathom.
“I’ve made it my business to watch you for some time....”
Scary stuff indeed.