The No Talent Show...

OONAGH ROBINSON on this year's Celebrity Big Brother, the story so far...

Well, after a bit of a “meh” start, this year’s Celebrity Big Brother finally got interesting last night.

The talent contest - which categorically proved that everyone with the possible exception of Mutya has no talent at all - was utterly hilarious.

Personal highlights included gawmless Michelle Heaton doing her best to simultaneously sing in tune and hold a stick in a sexy manner.

Even Coolio was left speechless for once.

Meanwhile, LaToya - who the others seem so oddly in awe of - sang one of her brothers hits. Very badly.

Looking at her laughably serious demeanour, you’d think she was performing to save her life.

Rather than just to impress the bloke who used to present The Word.

With rumours abounding that this year’s housemates have all been coached on how to avoid conflict, I was beginning to worry that there would be no bitchiness at all to entertain us.

Michelle’s apparently innocent jibe about Tina from Shameless looking like “the princess from Shrek” put an end to all those concerns.

We couldn’t help siding with Coolio, who thought the remark was ROFL funny (not to mention highly accurate).

The more Michelle didn’t get why the rapper was laughing and the more BenFromA1 tried to explain the confusion (she meant the slim, pretty princess from Shrek, you see), the more delightfully awkward the situation became.

Michelle ended up in tears, while Tina vowed that she was ready to become “really nasty” if Coolio carried on being so horrid.

Bring it on.

And a quick word (geddit) for current head of house Terry, who has played a blinder so far with his choices for this week’s eviction.

How annoyed will the producers be if Ulrika goes now that they’ve paid her £7bn or whatever to appear? Marvellous.

On the other hand, we’d prefer it to be topless model Lucy. A woman so dull she makes BenFromA1 look good.

Oh yes, one more thing.

Verne to win of course.