Thursday, 14 May 2009

Ooh, Mona!

Yes, yes we all agree.
Dire Debra should really have gone last night.
But come on, Mona was always going to get the boot at some point. I mean, she can’t even pronounce her own first name properly. How on earth was S’ralan supposed to trust her in a pivotal role at his company?
The rather pointless task last night was to “rebrand Margate” - and Mona couldn’t even get that bit right.
She kept telling local people Team Empire was going to “regenerate” the town.
Still, with her enormous local knowledge of the area, surely they couldn’t go wrong.
“It’s a seaside resort,” she reliably informed Debra, Howard and James in their initial brainstorming session.
Later, they hit upon the idea of relaunching Margate as the next UK gay destination.
Not a bad thought at all really - and certainly more exciting than Ignite’s snoozeworthy family theme.
James and Mona immediately hit the streets to do some in depth research - and came across a friendly transsexual in a local bar.
Mona seemed a trifle confused when s/he tried to explain her/his... condition.
“Are you a man or a woman now?” she blundered.
Even James, a man not averse to putting his foot in it, admitted he was embarrassed.
Mona and James proved a formidable double act, setting up a photo shoot on the beach where two models attempted to convey the gay message.
James got the chaps (and himself) a couple of 99 ice creams at one point.
“Not too much licking guys, it’s not a porno,” he warned his subjects.
But even all this ludicrousness wasn’t the thing that did for Empire.
It was all down to obnoxious team leader Debra and her apparent ability to do absolutely nothing all day - so that she had to put together an entire poster and leaflet campaign in about half an hour.
“Your visuals are dreadful,” said one personally offended looking woman at the main pitch.
Debra certainly seems to have done something to impress S’ralan though.
It was almost as if she knew she was invincible, so didn’t care one way or the other that most of her fancy leaflet was just blank space.
Even after Mona’s firing, it wasn’t Debra but James who got the “I’ll be watching you” warning from the boss.
Yes, the dead wood is slowly but surely being cast aside this series.
The question is - who’ll be next?

Oonagh Robinson