Thursday, 28 May 2009

Car Crash Telly - The Apprentice, Week Ten

Was it a big shock to you that nice steady Howard got the boot after last night’s marvellous shopping channel task?
To be honest, the way this series has been going, you could see it coming a mile off.
The dull ones are going and all the absolute nutters are getting to stay in the show for as long as possible. Hooray.
Indeed, it was probably more of a shock that Howard’s team (can’t remember if it’s Ignite or Empire any more, sorry) lost in the first place. It was all being edited to look as though they would race away with it - with their expensive chip pan and, er, gorgeous gold and silver leather jackets. Vom.
But “TV natural” Debra and the best new comedy double act of the year James and Yasmina sold what must have been about 40,000 cheap hair nets and weird head scarves to pip their rivals to the post.
Right from the start, it looked as if Debra’s lot would be a disaster - with their hilarious bickering about who was going to be leader.
“I need you to be happy!” Yasmina wailed at Debra after she eventually got the prestigious role.
“What do you want me to do? Fall down at your feet and worship you?” hissed her furious sparring partner.
Yet when the cameras started rolling, hard faced Debra (OMG she’s only 24!!!) was a star. Chatty, friendly, approachable, nice.
Everything that she hasn’t been for most of this series really.
Still, the stars of the episode were undoubtedly James and Yasmina.
“£9.99 for three - you’re pulling my chain!” enthused James as Yasmina explained her fantastic deal on those hair combs.
What a pity they were actually £17.99. And who would pay that for such a load of rubbish?
This slight mishap didn’t put James off his track for long though.
“If you’re not fast with this, you’re gonna be last with this,” he stuttered. “Stop spying and start buying!”
Honestly, he’s turning into the one of the best Apprentice characters of all time is James. We adore him.
And so it was off to the boardroom, where the losing team of Howard, Lorraine and Kate awaited their fate.
S’ralan wanted to know why they hadn’t made as much money as Debra and co - even though their products were much more expensive.
“When the chips were down, I stood up to the mark,” said Lorraine. D’ya geddit? She was selling chip pans on the show.
We thought that bit was really funny, but nobody else seemed to laugh.
S’ralan decided he didn’t need another Steady Eddie like Howard in his company.
“I haven’t got time for ordinary people,” he said as he gave the blue-eyed boy his marching orders.
Well, let’s face it, there aren’t any ordinary people left in the running now.
Just James and four barmy females.
“I feel like Hugh Heffner!” he grinned back at the house.
Oh how we’re looking forward to next week’s interview task.