The Meh Awards...

Oonagh Robinson on The Brit Awards (ITV1, Weds)

Well, it's a long way from Burton Joyce to The Brit Awards - but the question is will last night's co-host Mathew Horne get asked back next year?
Hmm, I wouldn't put money on it.
Oh, don't get me wrong. The Nottingham lad - who was presenting along with pal James Corden and teeny tiny Kylie Minogue - didn't do anything particularly horrifying. Nothing in the Sam Fox/Mick Fleetwood category anyway.
But the whole thing was just a bit "meh!"
Kylie spent most of the time backstage changing into different outfits.
Mat and James tried their hand at a few jokes (mostly centring around Craig David not winning anything, zzzzz) - and they seemed to go down like the proverbial lead balloon.
Unless that was just a result of these horrible modern production techniques for "live" TV performances, where the crowd noises are completely switched off - leading to a serious lack of atmosphere.
The awards themselves were a predictable affair - Duffy won everything and Coldplay walked away empty handed (snigger).
Paul Weller got British Male Solo Artist. Eh? Makes you wonder where Robbie Williams is when you need him.
It was a nice surprise to see Elbow pip Take That to the post for British Group - especially since Gary and the lads blatantly mimed during their "spectacular" live performance. (Although I rather liked their Kraftwerk inspired costumes, so maybe I'll let them off).
Iron Maiden were rather suspiciously named Best Live Act and a weird girl called Florence won something for being new and edgy and tall. Her swearing got bleeped out, which is lucky considering this was supposed to be a live broadcast.
The rest of the awards seemed to be dominated by "International" categories, mostly won by Kings of Leon.
Which brings me to the live performances.
U2 were surprisingly bad. Girls Aloud were surprisingly good (and wore hardly any clothes, which was quite helpful).
Chris Martin ran out of puff as usual, Duffy was boringly competent and the Ting Tings for some reason had to put up with Estelle ruining their biggest hits. Oh well.
The only ones who were really any good were the aforementioned Kings of Leon. So much for British music ruling the world.
Lifetime Achievement award winners The Pet Shop Boys struggled a bit in the finale until that nice chap from The Killers came on stage to help with their attempts at "singing." Lovely lad.
In the end, though, the whole show was a rather staid, oh-so-professional affair - with us viewers praying for some amusing cock-up or other to brighten the evening.
So let's give it up for Alex James from Blur, who was the only guest to even attempt to make himself look a total plonker by fumbling his lines and missing his cue...