Tuesday, 26 August 2008

In X-Cess

You’d have to be a very dull person indeed not to have a right old giggle at Ant and Seb on THE X FACTOR this week. (ITV1, Sat)
Cardiff’s answer to Usher and P Diddy really stole the show with their "unusual" interpretation of Peter Andre’s Mysterious Girl.
Especially the one that did the "Woman dat I love bit."
It was genuinely amusing.
We’ve had enough of them now, thanks.
All week, the clip has been repeated incessantly, they’ve been interviewed non stop and Chris Moyles is always playing the duo’s efforts.
Keith Chegwin even did a comedy re-mix.
Enough, already. They weren’t THAT hilarious.
Indeed, are we alone in thinking that the main singer actually had a decent voice?
And that he probably only brought his mate along because he knew they’d be featured as one of the "joke acts"?
And that they got told by one of the production team to pretend to refuse to leave so that they could be dramatically escorted off the premises by security?
These early weeks of auditioning are always highlighted as the "best part" of The X Factor experience.
But actually, we don’t much like them at all.
Especially the sob story brigade. Like the girl this week who entered on behalf of all the kids from Bridgend who’d committed suicide recently.
We’re sure they appreciate that.
Still. At least we haven’t got the hideous Sharon Osbourne this year.
Replacement Cheryl Cole seems a bit clueless though.
"I really thought the talent would be of a higher standard," she moaned. "I'm a bit disappointed."
Surely even she and Ashley watch the telly sometimes.
The X Factor is ALWAYS disappointing.

Do you ever get the impression a programme has made it on to the screen purely so the makers can flog your nan the spin-off coffee table picture book come Christmas?
Such was the case with BRITAIN FROM ABOVE (BBC1, Sun).
This was basically Andrew Marr whizzing across Britain in a helicopter with the whole of the BBC Symphony Orchestra for company (we couldn’t see them but we could sure hear them).
Now, despite the whole "novelty bird’s eye view" angle the programme seemed to think was its USP, we had the funny feeling we’d seen most of it somewhere before.
Ridge and furrow field patterns? Check. The white horse of Uffington? Check (they still have no idea why it’s there, incidentally). We think it was all on some GCSE geography video we had to watch.
Andrew, bless him, did try to give us something we hadn’t seen before. Namely Andrew Marr skydiving over Norfolk. Like the white horse of Uffington, nobody seemed to have any explanation for this, either.
"This is. ABSOLUTE. Madness." concluded Andrew, as he descended.
You’re telling us, mate. Still, it’ll all look good in the picture book, won’t it?

Genuine question of the week:
Why has the cameraman on DRAGON’S DEN(BBC2, Mon) taken to hiding behind pillars in the manner of a serial killer and then jumping out and rushing up to presenter Evan Davis at 100 miles an hour?
Stop it.

Most moving moment of the week:
Wellard from EASTENDERS (BBC1, Fri) shuffling off this mortal coil on Pat’s dodgy carpet as East 17 sang Stay Another Day in the background. We haven’t cried as much in years.