Kaff isn't 'avin a laff

There's only one thing this year's Strictly is missing.

And it's not the gurgling Alesha. Or the wonderful Jill Halfpenny. Or even Ramps and his swivly hips.

No, it's Kate Garraway. Without her - well, they're all a bit good, aren't they? At least, the girls are.

We felt really sorry for Jessie Wallace, being bottom of the pile. It wasn't so much her ability as that terrible dress that did for her.

But, as we predicted, it was Kaff who went, she and Jodie-the-giraffe lacking the fan-base to propel them out of the bottom two. Still, at least she got to look all stunning in flowing primrose - far more glam than she has in 20 years of Easties.

As for Brendan-watch... well, we knew the nice-guy act wouldn't last. True to form, he's already had his first stomp-off.

Next week, the boys are back. Thank the Lord. Kate Garraway may no longer be with us... but there's always Gary Rhodes!

Strictly - didn't they do well?

... as a certain chinny presenter might say?
Sure the two Easties gals let the side down a bit, bless 'em. Jessie Wallace didn't really suit the tinseled sack look, while poor Kaff (Gillian) forgot to arch her back.
Anyway, as predicted, ladies' week was much more fun than watching all those blokes clodhop around the floor last week. Bruceh was on-form too. "I don't make up this rubbish, do I?" he claimed, at one point. Although we reckon he makes up at least half of it.
Still, a few questions:
Why does Brendan Cole cram more pelvic thrusts per minute into his routines than any other dancer?
How long until Dancing With the Stars finishes and "Transatlantic Len" stops being Mr Grumpy?
Who taught Bruno the word "goofy"? And can he please stop using it?
And does anyone have a date for when he's due to be sectioned?

The "You're my favourite" Strictly award of the week:
So far, too many to choose from. We loved the effortlessly elegent Christine and Cherie (how nice to see an older lady foxtrotting the competition off the floor for once!) and want to learn how to walk just like that. Also love Heather's throaty gurgle and Jodie Kidd for being a "gorgeous surprise" (to quote the eerily pleasant Arlene). Don't know about you, but we also liked Don in the group dance.

Who's going to go? Our money's on Kaff (Gillian). Only the Easties vote can save her and we reckon Wallace is going to suction off most of it.

Until tomorrow, Strictly fans!

Lost In Austen - Bonnets and Bennets get the Life On Mars treatment

THE promise of a happy ending is one of the infectious delights of most costume dramas (except, of course, Tess of the Dreary-villes on BBC 1 where I'd cover your eyes now, if I were you).

But in the mischievous Lost In Austen (ITV1, Wednesday) we were kept guessing to the end whether we'd get our normal quota of lords and ladies dancing – simply because it had lost the plot, in the nicest possible way.

The great idea behind Lost in Austen was that it was Pride and Prejudice revisited. Sure, there were the usual share of Bennets and bonnets.

But from the start the plot had flung an unexpected spanner into the works – in the shape of 21^st century Pride and Prejudice obsessive Amanda Price (played by the pouting but perfectly endearing Jemima Rooper). Amanda felt so disillusioned with her modern-girl life and boyfriend, she spent her days longing to enter the plot of her favourite novel – and, one day, had her chance when Lizzie Bennet showed up in her bathroom with a plan to swap places and times.

Alas, no matter how hard Amanda tried to hold things together, the usual smooth-running Austen plot fell apart. The first two episodes were frantic high comedy, culminating in Amanda choosing, for her solo performance at the Netherfield ball, an acapella version of Petula Clark's Downtown.

But then, things got more serious – well, in costume drama terms. Without Lizzie there to snub Collins, he ended up married to Jane. Bingley became an alcoholic and ran off with Lydia. Lizzie, meanwhile, was trapped as a text-message sending childminder in 21^st century Hammersmith. Until 10 minutes from the end, we weren't sure we'd get our happy ending at all.

But, you'll be relieved to hear, all came good – particularly for Amanda, who ended up in Darcy's arms. And, if their final union lacked some emotional logic and Lady Catherine acted bizarrely out of character, at least we got to see Darcy in a wet shirt again. Phew! The script for Lost In Austen survived the curse of most ITV Drama Premiers by being largely brilliant and most of the actors appeared to be thoroughly enjoying themselves.

Now – if anyone's planning on doing any more fictional time-travelling, would they mind attending to Thomas Hardy, please? I've a feeling poor old Tess is going to be in need of some help.

Oops - ITV1 has done it again!

Oonagh Robinson on the new ITV drama Place of Execution...

Oh dear. We’ve gone and done it again.
Just when we promised ourselves we would try not to fall for the three-part ITV Drama Premiere Scam - we accidentally caught the first episode of Place of Execution (ITV1, Mon).
And it was really rather good. And now we need to find out what happens next. And it’s bound to have a really rubbish ending (like The Children).
There really is no hope for us, is there?
This thriller about the disappearance of a 13-year-old girl in 1963 and the present-day investigation of the case by TV journalist Catherine Heathcoate (a fabulous Juliet Stevenson) had a more than usually authentic feel.
Okay, the girl in question actually looked at least 33 in the photo and film footage of her.
And there were cliches galore. The slimy upper class step father; the suspicious villagers; the oh-so-unnecessary “two day deadline” for Catherine to complete her documentary.
But there was something about Lee Ingleby, playing the nerdy young hot shot detective leading the highly realistic looking 1963 investigation, we found strangely mesmerising.
Maybe it was just the over-sized glasses and dodgy mac.
But he made a welcome change to the tiresome disheveled, maverick yet dishy detectives who usually populate these stories.
Plus he turned into the marvellous Philip Jackson (he’s from Retford you know) when we moved forward to the present day. Brilliant.
But maybe you better ask us again in a fortnight, when we’ve seen how it all ends.

It's a kind of magic...

Oonagh Robinson on the Beeb's new adventure series Merlin:

The main protagonists in Monty Python and the Holy Grail dismissed Camelot as a "silly place."
But watching the BBC's new family adventure series Merlin, it all looked rather fabulous.
Lovely big (CGI) turrets, lots of secret staircases, a big underground (CGI) cave with a scary (CGI) dragon inside - and yards and yards of sumptuous fabrics everywhere. It was just a pity about the people who lived there really. They were indeed a bit silly.
All the familiar names from the classic legend of Arthur turned up, but they weren't quite how they should have been.
Guinevere was a lowly handmaiden who liked to call herself "Gwen."
Uther Pendragon wasn't so much ruthless and fearsome as rather grumpy and tired.
Arthur was a bit of a "prat" - as Merlin himself observed.
Ah, yes. Merlin.
In this version, the famous wizard walked around dressed like a youth on a gap year holiday - complete with casual top, trousers and backpack.
He even started his first encounter with Arthur with a very modern sounding "Hi."
And while lots of references were made to his immense potential as a sorcerer, the magical powers he exhibited in this opening episode seemed to be restricted largely to "moving things around a bit." The bed that Victor Meldrew fell from a great height onto; the stuff that Arthur tripped over while they were fighting; the great big chandelier that dropped on the evil old woman's head.
Maybe in future weeks we'll get to see other aspects to Merlin. At the moment... well, he's quite nice to look at. So we don't particularly mind.
And that's the point really.
The whole show was lovely to look at, with a suitably epic feel - mostly special effects, but hey they were pretty impressive.
With the dusk falling outside and Strictly Come Dancing just finished beforehand, Merlin was a proper old-fashioned TV treat.
A bit lacking in humour, maybe. But my 11-year-old was transfixed throughout.
And anything that can put a smile on her face these days has got to be doing something right.

Read our review of "Merlin" tonight...

Don't forget to read our review of the BBC's new flagship family drama Merlin directly after the show is broadcast tonight.
And why not let us know what you think, too, by adding your own comments?

We are family!

Oonagh Robinson reviews the first episode of Channel Four's The Family

I always like to know that my family isn’t the absolute worst in the world - whatever everyone else tries to tell me.

Hence, I was very keen last night to tune into The Family - Channel Four’s ambitious new fly on the wall documentary following the everyday bickerings of The Hughes clan from Canterbury.

What a thoroughly stupid lot they turned out to be - with the possible exception of the clumsy young lad who kept knocking glasses over.

He was brilliant.

Most of the action in the first episode centred on terrible teen Emily - a kind of surly cross between the pop star Pink and Stacey Slater off EastEnders.

Mum Jane was about to celebrate her 40th birthday (and yes, it was a bit of a shock to find out she was already a granny) so she was already in a bad mood most of the time.

But Emily didn’t help matters.

She was out partying until all hours in the morning, kept skiving off work and was generally a miserable little cow for most of the episode.

The one time she was nice, she ended up singing Kate Nash songs with her mum. Which shows you how bad things were.

I would have had a bit of sympathy for Jane and her pillock of a husband Simon if Emily had been, say, a girl of 13 or 14 years - who was out of control and driving them crazy.

But Emily wasn’t a young schoolgirl.

She was 19, with a job in (we think) some sort of High Street shop and her own money and her own life.

She would have been old enough to go away to university, for example, where she would no doubt have been up to all sorts without the benefit of her mum and dad’s words of “wisdom.”

The solution to Jane and Simon’s predicament seems completely obvious to me.

Start charging Emily for her board and lodging.

Then she wouldn't have as much money to go out partying from 11pm and causing them so much grief.

It ain’t rocket science.

So will I be tuning in next week to see if the penny drops? Course I will.

Best bit of mindless telly that’s been on for ages this.

I only wish they were doing it Big Brother style and we could catch up with all the shenanigans every night.

So - what did YOU reckon?